snitches get stitches...

and thats the truth. 

speaking of the truth. its not good to spill it at 4am.

i got me a-schwasted last night, and decided, i'm going to write some "truthful"  e-mails.

i also tried to watch the video Cait posted with only one eye open. that eye swiftly closed when i shot a load in it.

i still haven't seen the video all the way through. ima watch it later. optimus prime turns me on.
but i know cait only posted it cuz she has a boner for the college humor guys.

i may have tried to post too, GOOD THING. Not like anyone could tell the difference between mega sober post and mega three-sheets posts. 

but here would be the ending to my "truthful" e-mail. this is not made up i promise. 

"i thought that we were cool and shit. for realz. you kids are just foolz. sittin in chairs, drinking out of cups. bullshit. no way. lets be friends again okay? sounds good to me!"

i went on to speak of tea parties and the rock of love. yay... meg...


to wrap this up, i'm going answer some questions that have been a mystery to some people for ages upon ages. Call me the truth-teller. 

1. why do girls go to the bathroom together?

well, usually, its to do drugs. but on the rare occasion its not, they went to make out and catch a glimpse of each other's twats. 

2. why do men have nipples?

i know there was a book about it, but that book is full of poncey-ass lies. why do men have nipples? because its the male equivalent of penis envy. 

3. Did you get a hair cut?

no.

4. Why is the sky blue?

because it is motherfucker. you really wanna know the truth? ask jeeves bitch. 

5. Why will girls speak about their period in public, but never their poo? (submitted by Matt).

Would you like to really hear about either? pick your greater evil. at least when a chick talks about the crimson wave you know that your not getting any pussy... What do you learn from chicks talkin' about poop? That your date is regular? that she has been drinking her metamucil? takin' her Amitiza on the daily? its called being subtle motherfucker. 

6. Why do men stare intensely at the wall in front of them at the urinal?

they have to. otherwise they won't be able to resist the urge to look at someone else's wang. 

7. why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

cuz the man who invented both had dyslexia. his name was egroeg. he lived in a esuoh that never got liam because the numbers were fucking inverted. that dumb kcuf.

8. what is the cut off age for a baby at which point its crying goes from cute to annoying?

crying is never cute and neither are babies. babies are meant for eating.
bleck. ew. gross. babies are gross and that is the truth. they are only cute whilst in my mouth and NOT crying.





thats all. you got questions? i got answer. And my mom always says she paid for a useless degree.