open letter

dear wikipedia,

I know you know a lot of things, like, what moles/freckles are. but why can't you tell me why i have so many and where they come from? I wasn't born with this many, and i swear last time i washed my face and look at my neck/shoulders in the mirror, there were not as many. It is not summer, and if it were I wear sunscreen so that is no excuse. Will I one day be one giant mole? If so, let me know, so i can pre-plan my self-mutilation.

Thanks,

Mega

lessons learned

this weekend has learned me, that the human body (or my human body) is incapable of running exclusively on whiskey and redbull. The combination of no sleep, no food, and vast intake of alcoholic beverages has left me with the sore throat from hell. The sore throat that no amount of ibuprofen, benedryl, hot tea, orange juice, soup, sleep, dayquil/nyquil, or Battlestar Gallatica can kill. Once the throat is sore its all down hill from there. Lesson learned. I blame my strange work hours for most of it, but who do i kid? Jager bombs are no substitute for sleep/food. Lesson learned for realz.

lessons not learned? oh there are a many. including but not limited to...

1. telling customers at the bar my name. a mongo move but do i stop? no. not only do they evolve the mere knowing of my name into a false sense of farmilarity (which is creepy) but they really fucking annoy me when they use it before every sentence. lesson learned? no.

2. don't go on blind dates. awkward people should be banned from doing such awful things to themselves -like, hanging out with a complete stranger. i especially. my coping mechanism for the awks tends to be alcohol consumption, so then, blind dates usually end with a still, complete stranger trying to fit the entire lower quadrant of my face into his big slug-tongued mouth. lesson learned? no. although, i will learn to be meaner.

3. don't shit where you eat. literally. ever seen that scene in Mean Girls where she eats her lunch in the bathroom? disgusting.
kidding.
i do believe this phrase applies to places other than the work place. i can think of some other ones too "don't twiddle your stick in the company fun dip", "Keep your hoes in different zip codes" or very simply "don't fuck your friends". its really not a good idea, we all know its not, especially when i'm involved in the situation, but lesson learned? hell no. its kinda my thing.

4. don't wear stilletos on nights where heavy drinking is planned. 'nuff said. got the scarres to prove it.

Mojo and Aquisitions

Who: fat baby bartender

Where: fat baby

When: approximately 2 weeks ago

Why: something about handlebar mustaches just do it for me i guess

How: the creepy approach

Summary: the creepy approach is by far the most fun tactically. Essentially, what one does, is just act super creepy (thus the appropriate nomenclature) in attempt of acquiring man meat. This approach also requires a whole bunch of Jameson so as inhibition and self-respect significantly drop. So heres the skinny: decided handlebar would be a prime target, and also, a super cute one. Each time his back was turned to me, i mouthed "i love you" so as all the other bar patrons could see, except for him. Then, to up the stakes, i said it to his face, in a creepy stalker sort of way. One would think that a blind profession of love to a stranger would leave him taken aback, but no. Rather, instead, he asked me to marry him. So we staged a marriage during a cigarette break, and of course during the "you may kiss the bride" section, I got my upperlip tickled by the handlebar goodness that was his hipsterstache. I continued to profess my love, really really creepily as the night progressed (and my bar tab grew) to the point where he couldn't laugh it off anymore. This merely fueled his fire. And what a nice fire it was. the night commenced with him asking for my number, and my writing it up the entire length of his forearm in red permanent marker.

Rating: success. he never called, but i didn't want him to. i win.

showing some skins...

So this show is taking over my life and my DVR. If you haven't watched it, I suggest you do that right now. Thanks to Sam for introducing me to it (even though I was totally not into it when I heard about it! That is why I am usually wrong!) I'll grab some vids and show you what I'm talking about and thus, spread the addiction. 

So here's the scoop-- BBC America (originally on e4 in the UK) Sundays at 10pm. So far, they've aired the first 4 episodes of series 1-- Tony, Cassie, Jal, and Chris. I love Chris. (and series 2 is redic!) Tomorrow is Sid. I like this show because it's funny and smart and the characters are like real people. I can see my friends, from past and present, in the story lines and in the characters. Oh the music is super rad too. MGMT, Decemberists, The Gossip, Brighteyes and so many other great artists! 

My friend Sam, who lives in Bristol where the show is set was telling me that they filmed by his apt once which is pretty cool and in the future (that we haven't seen in the US yet, Cassie is in one of our fav nyc spots Alias in LES! 

Also, I like the slang there but in the spirit of Mean Girls, "Stop trying to make 'fetch' happen, it's not going to happen" I think we should try to incorporate some of it into our lives. However, it wont sound the same because my NY accent is not as charming as those cheeky Brits! 

I want to have a water gun fight a la above pict, I guess I'll have to wait til next summer and see if the cops cancel the giant watergun fight in union square again. 

Oh VMAs tomorrow too (thanks DVR) Britney? I am stoked to see if she pulls it off, I am still a fan. Oh Britney...