know when to hold em, know when to fold em...

work is kind of boring. I'm going to go play at Meg's moving day pretty soon. weeeeee.


So on the internet, they have surveys. I've never done one, until now. Here's how it went... be sure to check out the new TONY...its the bars issue! pretty awesome.

Drunk Survey
1. Have you ever been drunk? yes. frequently.
2. How old were you the first time you got drunk? idk 14 or 15?
3. Have you ever gotten/given digits while intoxicated? yes.
4. Have you ever 'drunk dialed'? that should be my nickname.
5. Have you ever been drunk in front of family members? oh yes.
6. Have you ever had to cover up the fact that you were drunk? once or twice.
7. Have you ever been arrested for any alcohol-related crime? no. thank goodness.
8. Have you ever hooked-up with someone while drunk? yes...yes i have. several times in fact.
9. Ever forgot their name? no, because I usually either a. know them or b. give them a nickname
10. When was the last time you were drunk? sunday night.
11. Have you ever been on a drunken binge? ummm. no. i don't recall.
12. Do you need alcohol to have a good time? don't need it. but it's a good idea.
13. What kind of alcohol gets you the most intoxicated? whiskey
14. Favorite liquor? jameson and kettle
15. Favorite beer? stella and six-points
16. Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking and found out that you are STILL drunk? god yes.
17. Have you ever swam drunk? no, i'd probably die.
18. What kind of a drunk are you? fun. no, super fun.
19. Is alcohol like "truth serum" to you? eh not since i was like 18
20. Favorite drinking partner? MEGA hands down.
21. Favorite bar? boat basin on 79th street, union hall in bk, thom bar at thompson hotel, the redhead on 13th. (i like alot of bars)
22. Have you ever completely blacked out? suprisingly no!
23. Have you ever puked from drinking? yes. yes i have.
24. Have you ever had the 'crying drunks'? i'll admit that it has happened.
25. Can you still do physical activity while intoxicated? like walking? yes.
26. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight? oh yes, i can be very mean.
27. Who is the most annoying drunk that you know? my sister's friends/
28. Who is the most flirtatious drunk? hmmmm...
29. Do you have a drunken nickname? drunky mc drunk? idk i have a lot of nicknames.
30. Have you received a 'booty call' who hasnt? liquid courage son.
31. Funniest drunken scene in a movie: oh this is hard...not sure. i'll go with the dancing scene from "knocked up" because i love the dice move.
32. Favorite song about drinking? the irish drinking song.
33. Have you ever woke up next to someone you didn't know? no. i did wake up next to someone i kinda knew once or twice.
34. Have you ever been hit on by someone way older than you? yes...creepy man.
35. What's the worst 'buzz kill'? no moneyyyy.
36. Have you ever dated a bartender or bouncer? i hooked up with a bartender not dated, he and his bar are on the shit list.
37. Do you ever say to yourself, "Dang, I need a drink"? i would never say dang. but sometimes i may need a cocktail.
38. Do strangers ever buy you drinks? sometimes. damn canadians.
39. Have you ever drank too much on a date? only with one person. but he's a drunk so it's all good.
40. Is there anything that you refuse to drink? umm well we played this game one day "what won't cait shoot?" and the answer: Campari
41. Have you ever been drunk on a plane? havent been on a plane in years.
42. Have you ever gotten drunk during the day? yes. many times
43. Have you ever had to run from the cops and leave the beer behind? never left the beer behind. that's a waste. run and carry.
44. What's your favorite drinking game? kings or suits.
45. Have you ever injured yourself while drunk? ben broke my finger once when i was drunk, then burned me. he is a winner.
46. What's the most destructive thing that has happened while you were drunk? prob telling someone how i felt bout them, which was a poor choice.
47. Ever been drunk at a concert? yes.
48. Is this survey getting too long? hell yes.
49. Are you ready for the last question? fuck.
50. Why do you drink? because i do what i want. asshole

a farwell in yo mouf

Mega's spastic version of moving:

1. lose drivers license
2. try to acquire uhaul for self and unlicensed roommate
3. have new license sent to parents
3. trust the post office
4. find "overnighting" to be a farce/cruel joke
5. half-pack a day before move
6. steal boxes from Cait's work
7. attempt to save money on cab and walk the boxes 4 blocks
8. sprain wrists
9. work until two am
10. move massive amounts of shit to Brooklyn, unpacked, unable to acquire uhaul

none of this is a good sign! the post office is full of half-mongo retarded ass fools. uhaul should definately work on trust. and cardboard boxes should be easier to carry.





goodbye East Village. having slept with the greater part of you, i have decided to move on to greener pastures. its been real.

shut up...

This is AWESOME.

heatwave.

It's hot.


My apt and office a/c are broken. awesome!


hypothetical: if you aren't very famous, just a local celeb., wouldn't you be nice to the people who recognize you.
I forgave J. McB. for it because we kind of ambushed him and whateves, but come on dudes, if someone (who 15 minutes later had an allergic rxn and couldve died) stops you and says "hi, you are funny." be friendly. it's super easy.

I am breaking up with the nyc comedy scene. we had a good run. many nights at ucbt and summers with asscat and del close. but comedy, you've let yourself go and i need more in my life. comics and comedy writers in nyc used to be a lot cooler. I think that night at caroline's followed by les comedy really killed this relationship. also, internet is a big reason for the breakup. i'll be fine i'll prob take comedy back in a few months but right now, we need our space. I've been hurt.

I'm buying a ukulele. That will be my new love, for now.

go shorty.

happy birthday to Cait!

last night we took her to a fancy meal at the outback steakhouse. twas delish.

(big spendas)

my keen trained eyes spotted Kenneth from 30 rock at Shades of Green sitting next to Rachel Dratch... Josh's big mouth got Cait a picture with them.

Rachel Dratch = Super nice
Guy who plays Kenneth = sorta a tool


so happy birthday Cait!

Canadians.

3:11am - Weird Canadian to Mega: "Lets be bad"
3:15 - Mega to weird Canadian: "Stop being Canadian"

hmmmm...

so i know we may not have the same readership as some other blogs/websites but its silly that 2 days after i post about craigslist personals, so does this guy. ch ch check out this copy catter.

(its not exactly the same, just vaugely similar. its sorta awks. mine is wayyyyy better. suckkkkka)

meaningless gripe

I don't like milk.

I don't like milk for various reasons.

Those reasons being: ew bleck gross. ew bleck expensive. ew bleck unnatural. ew bleck makes my coffee lukewarm and taste like a candy bar. and finally because I'm lactose intolerant.

lactose intolerance is some poncey ass shit for sure. and so is lactaid. your body doesn't want you to drink milk? don't. you want some queso queso on your tortilla chips?... suffer the consequences you bourgeois fuck. (i refer here to myself in an act of verbal self-flagellation seeing that i have lactaid fast act in my purse at all times. though, i commonly forget to take it and puke or remain in fetal position for at least an hour.)

excuse me I digress.

My whole point is: why, unless you specifically specify, does the deli man ALWAYS put milk in coffee.

coffee. is coffee.

coffee. is not coffee with milk.

coffee con leche is coffee with milk.

cafe ole is coffee with milk. (and other crap too).

"large coffee please" is NOT coffee with milk.
sometimes even if you say "large black coffee please" you STILL get milk.
its like second nature.
what if you wanted cream? what if you wanted skim? (said drinkers should be enraged and confused too)

i don't believe it is the deli man's fault. i believe it is a more large scale conspiracy of coffee drinkers worldwide. just because more people like milk in their coffee than people who like it black does not make it the norm.

this is coffee discrimination. what? were alllll supposed to want milk?

go suckle a cow!

definition of coffee:
a beverage consisting of a decoction or infusion of the roasted ground or crushed seeds (coffee beans) of the two-seeded fruit (coffee berry) of certain coffee trees

i see no milk in there!

booyah!

(this was all completely ridiculous, no normal human being should care this much. i do. suck it. )

...we can go for a walk or volunteer our time...

Maybe I'm just a jealous slut but Craigslist misconnections are kind of redic. Part of me wishes someone would write one for me but the other half is super creeped out by the shit people write. I'm not going to post the HI-larious listings as not to offend perfect strangers looking for love but come on man, you want to get a date offer booze and sex not recycling and knitting classes.

If I had a posting, it would probably go a little something like this...

drunk girl at X bar. you were doing shots of Jamesons with pretty blond friend. you both made some inappropriate remarks really loud. you're awesome and I want to do super cool things with/to you.

That will never happen because a. I'm good with names. b. I'm a go getter. and c. I don't think I go to bars where people who would do that would go. The subway on the other hand is a different situation. I respect people who try to find the people they eye fuck on the train. however, I'd respect them more if they actually talked to the person. I'd do it. I'm also not a vagji.

TRUE STORY: meg got a missed connection not once...but TWICE. Which is why she's cooler than me. I just avoid the whole chancing a possible MC and just approach anyone.