new career ventures

I've always been interested in writing a book, and i've recently been inspired by New York City tourism.

the book shall be entitled... "I Don't Care If You Don't Speak English, Tip Your Mother Fucking Bartender".

Now while my writing interests have always leaned towards fiction, i intend this book to be more of a guide book/etiquette manual.

here will be some excerpts:

"fifty cents will never be an appropriate tip, for anything, anywhere. Especially when coinage was not given as change in the first place"

"Just because Stella Artois is a shitty overpriced beer, and the only beer we have that your are familiar with, does not mean i work for free."

"I see your little guidebook underneath your little phrase book. so while you humor me with broken English, know that i know, that every guidebook made about America stresses gratuity as a social custom. So tip me you sly motherfucker, i get what your doing. I've seen Waiting. I'm not stupid"

"You cannot just ask for "a beer". We have a lot of them. Tell me a flavor. Ask me what i recommend. "a beer", really isn't helping me. Especially when i serve you that beer, have to ask you to pay for it repeatedly, and then you stiff me. Go drink "a beer" somewhere else. Preferably somewhere that doesn't accept tips so they don't go through the same anguish."


Apparently all those cute little guidebooks that tourists carry around are not appropriately equip to keep them from getting forked in the eye by their bartender. I shall rectify this situation.